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Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Odd couple of weeks!!

I have had a odd couple of weeks - ever since your uncle was back in touch (maybe that was a good omen). One of your cousin and your aunt has been in touch with me and taken my mind of you! I have even manage to have some me time - girly days out and all!!

But you keep surprising me - I sometimes wonder if you can "hear" me, I know at present you are not reading this blog, but since I "asked" you to not delete your Facebook status updates, you have stopped doing so, and after "asking" a few times for you to put up some more pictures of yourself, you finally have.

I love your new photos, in one you look a bit like Josh Hartnett and in the other, the way you look into the camera, is very similar to a recent photo of me. If you ever get to see it you will see what I mean. You also managed to post a link to one of my favorite tracks of one particular band - the odd thing is that in your age group not everyone would have heard about them - but your taste in music is excellent.

One of the other odd things happening, is a second person agreed with my flatmate, that Ray could have been your father. I'm starting to wonder if the reason I initially liked Ray, was that he and your father were similar in looks - Sigmund Freud might have something to say about that one... So the fact that I am getting back in touch with his family now is quite strange.

I am still trying to decided if I should make a direct approach to you... some of my friends say I should - but I'm still not sure. A friend pointed out that the reason I am worried about contacting you directly, is that I am worried that you might reject me. She is right that this is my biggest fear. However, she had a valid point - if you reject me at least I would know where I stand, but for the moment I'm not sure if I would be able to handle that. I know I should bite the bullet and make first contact, but I just think that I should give your (adoptive) parents the opportunity to tell you over the summer. In the meanwhile, I just have to resist temptation to email you through Facebook.

There have actually been a few recent cases in the news, birth mothers has found their children through Facebook. If I did that, how would that first email read, would it be something like: "Hi you don't know me but I am your birth mother". Since you don't even know that you are adopted you might think I am some sort of a loony. Then again, you might appreciate that, but for the moment I have decided that I shall give your (adoptive) parents the summer to hopefully tell you.

The final odd, thing has been that for nearly 19 year I haven't had any fellow birth mothers around me and have felt alone in my choice but now I have found other birth mothers out there who share some of my feelings. One of my fellow birth mothers posted beautiful post on her blog the other day, it did made my cry but still gave me hope for the two of us. Hopefully, one day we can have a day similar to what she had - that would be so wonderful.

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