Thursday, 29 September 2011

One shoe fits them all....NOT!!

I have been quite for a while, one of  the reason for this is a comment left by another person on another blog... I know they did not mean any harm by what they wrote but it still hurt me to the core.

The thing that started it was a fellow blogger posting that they wanted to interrogate their birth mother and ask some CSI style questions... which I fully understand why and the reason behind her wish to interrogate her birth mother.. even be angry with her.

She asked a few questions which I felt I could understand why she was asking and I answered them.. this is the questions and my responses

"How could you do this to me?" 
I did it because I loved you so much and wanted to give you a life I was not able to give at the time.
"Was I not good enough?"
Yes you was, it was me who was not good enough for you.
"How selfish could you be?" 
I felt it would be more selfish to keep you and raising you with only love to give. I could not provide you with a secure and stable life at the time.

"You should have never had me if you could not care for me!" 
I wish I could have cared for you and raised you. I hoped I was giving you a better chance in life with being raised with your parents. I'm sorry if I got that wrong..

What hurt my feelings was one other poster saying the following:

Sadly the answers of one mother may not be the answers of all mothers.This one size fits all adoptees has given us no end of trouble when we meet our mothers and find those answers untrue.Please resist the urge, it is not helpful to most.

In my answer to my fellow blogger, I put out my own personal feelings and answers.. I never said this was what others should say or feel.

You see, I understand that my feelings in regards to adoptions is my personal feelings... no one else, I don't intend to pigeon-hole anyone but at the same time I know that what I feel might be similar to what someone else is feeling - but still not the same.

Many years ago, I remember having a discussion of race.. and I had once heard that the definition of race was that you had to be genetically identical of someone I used say that is great this planet has about 5 billion different races... as no one is identical (expect some twins)... that still applies, ok it might not be 5 billion races on this planet but there are about 5 billion different life stories, none which are identical...  So, when I say something out here in cyber-land, it is my personal opinion.  Sorry one shoe does not fit them all, but I do personally respect every single shoe on this planet... if that offends you, that is fine.  You see I respect your opinion, but I might not agree with it.  The same goes for others... I do not expect you to agree with my feelings and opinions, but please give me to curtsy of respecting it.

As for my comment on my fellow blogger's post on Interrogate This!  the only person who I would be worried about upsetting with my comments was the original poster.

I know that the no harm was meant with the comment saying I should resit the urge, it still hurt, but I respect that some one don't agree with me... that is their right, for me it was my right to answer those questions in public (which I did)

Monday, 12 September 2011

umming and ahhing

On one of my forums today there was a post from someone, bar one little detail the post could have been from you...I was umming and ahhing for a bit about posting a response on the forum... decided against it though.. sent the poster a PM instead... it would be interesting to see if I get a response.

Another thing I did lately was to show my last post to another birth mother, she was very surprised that what I wrote was basically what she was feeling about her adoption story... I wonder how many other birth mothers feel like I do about the adoptive parents?

FeedBurner FeedCount

Total Pageviews