Monday, 11 May 2009

Why I am trying to contact you now!!

Someone pointed out that one of the questions you might as me is why do I want to contact you now.

There are many reasons - but don't think for a moment that I haven't thought about contacting you long before now. But the main reason is you are now 18-years old and a man. So you can decide yourself if you want to meet me or not. Of course, I hope that you want to meet me and remain in contact - but this is your decision - you might not want to have anything to do with me.

I should also let you know that I did back in the early 90's together with Ray (my late husband) consider if we should go to Greece and try to "reclaim" you. At the time I still thought you would grow up being told you were adopted (the fact you were supposed to be told was a deciding factor me agreeing to the adoption). So what we decided that we would leave it but we did decided that should we have kids they would be told about you. Unfortunately, Ray was killed in a car crash in 1995, so you don't have any siblings from my side (don't know about your bio dad though).

Since Ray died, I have thought about contacting your more and more, but as I always thought you would have been told about the adoption I thought I leave it you where 18 and then make sure I did everything possible to ensure that if you want to contact me you have all my contact details.

But after the reaction I got from your (adoptive) dad when I spoke to him - I now know that their promise of letting you know from as early age as possible has not been kept. Then again, I should give them the benefit of doubt, the right opportunity to tell you might not have arisen.

I am trying to think of way to make contact with you - I do not want to do anything that would alienate you from either your (adoptive) parents or me. But I might have not choice but to take that risk.

The person who pointed out that you might ask me why now also suggested that I contact you through you social networking profile. He suggested that I email you my details and just say I'm your biological mother - personally I think that might be more risky than doing what I'm thinking - which is to visit Greece and where you go to uni. I just hope that if I see you I have the strength to not approach you or if the unlikely happened and we got to meet that you were the one to make the approach.

I'm still contemplation sending a letter to your (adoptive) mum to see if I get a better response that your (adoptive) dad. But I do have a niggling little thought in the back of my head - what if you already know and don't want to have anything to do with me!!! My gut instinct says you don't know.

So for now, I still have a couple of months before September to decided what to do.

At least I have a opportunity to get to know a bit about you - even if its the just a small part of you - through you social networking page (I just wish you put some more photos on there and stop clearing some of your updates before I get a chance to translate them).

I have to admit, I'm currently trying to find out as much as possible about your interests - I love the movies you like and I wondering if you would love some of my favourite titles? Have you ever see City of God, Romper Stomper, Virgin Suicides amongst a few?

As for your favorite author, I have started to read his books and I have to admit I do like him, even if he was never on my radar before. What do you think about Mikis Theodorakis? He was the reason I fell in love with Greece and I am not talking about Zorba The Greek but, his more political stuff. By the way, whatever if afoot on Wendsday - be careful will you - but do make me proud.

Freakishly, I sometimes get the feeling that I should check your profile and you have posted something within the past hour or even minutes. I do sometimes wonder if you sense me and if you saw me if you would have this sense of a connection or if this is only wishful thinking on my part. We just have to wait to September to see (I still don't now if you would still be there or somewhere else).

Soul of Adoption
Powered By Ringsurf

Blogging Birth/First-mothers
Powered By Ringsurf

FeedBurner FeedCount

Total Pageviews