Monday, 18 May 2009

Your extended family

Aside from you, there have only been one true love in my life & that was Radouane (or Ray as he liked to be called) - he is not the guy in the middle of course!!! Different type of love of course but still my to only true loves!!

It would have been great if I had met him before you were born - but I wouldn't have met him if you had not been placed for adoption in Greece - and as he is no longer with us you will never get the chance to meet him. Life can be a bitch in that way.

I met him shortly after I arrived in the UK and we were together for about 4 years - we were married for only 1 1/2 years before he died but we often discussed you. I think it might have been his reaction to being told about you which made me fall for him so hard.

Your dad & Ray was as different as night & day. If only Ray had been your dad! He was the one who suggested we try to get you back, I was the one (stupidly) who said you would better off with your (adoptive) parents. I hope you will agree with me.

One of Ray's brothers added me on Facebook the other day and I emailed him - the scary thing is that last time I saw him he was a naught 12-year old. He emailed me back saying that he has been living the the UK for the past 10 years and have a 3-year old boy (this means that 3 of Ray's brothers lives in the UK). I hope I will get a chance to catch up with the boys soon, its to bad we drifted apart but without Ray we didn't have to much in common - nor do I speak French so I could not keep in touch with my in-laws in Algeria. But, I class Ray's family as my family (rather than my Norwegian family) even if I haven't seen them for years - and I have proudly kept his surname for all these years. Actually, its not that different from yours.

The email got me thinking - you have a quite a large "extended family". From Ray's side of the family, 4 uncles and 2 aunts and to my knowledge 4 cousins, 3 boys and 1 girl. Actually, I think two of the cousins are about your age now - OK you are the oldest, but they are only a couple of years younger than you.

Hopefully, both of us will get to meet up with the Algerian branch of the family one day.

On my side you have 3 uncles and 1 aunt and I think, 1 cousin - a girl, but Ray's family is whom I would say are your family rather than the others - but if you ever wanted to contact your Norwegian family, I wouldn't have any problems with you doing that, even if I don't want to have contact with some of them myself.

Any not forgetting my London "family", they are are also important to me - and they are probably the first ones you would meet if you ever wanted to come to London to see me.

I don't think you have any brother or sisters in Greece and you are my only child, but you have actually quite a large family you might want to meet one day. But one step at the time - first you need to find out you are adopted and decide if you want to meet me.

I have also - thanks to a fellow birth mother - realised the reason I keep dissolving into tears for the moment - is that I'm actually grieving for you. She directed me to a blog entry which described something called disenfranchised grief. I have included a link for this scroll down to the November 2, 2008 entry entitled: ‘Validation…a necessary part of the healing journey’. I found it very helpful although I don't agree with all she say. I still believe that placing a child of adoption is often the best option for everyone.

I still hope that I can get you to read this blog one day and hopefully it will make it easier for you to understand me.

Πολλή αγάπη από την μαμά xxx

PS the girls are going to call you a cutie pie cause you are one so you need to get used to that one.

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