Tuesday, 26 May 2009

It's strange, its easier to "speak" to you this way

Its quite strange that I find it quite easy to "speak" to you in this way!! I think its because I know you is not reading this as I write it. I also know that if my mother had bothered to write to me in like this in any way, I might not have the same problems with her as I do have - more on that when we hopefully are face to face. I still hope I can get you to read this soon, and hopefully I write this in the way you would like.

Anyway, I am trying not to read to much into what is posted on your profile, but I got the feeling that you are doing what I normally do. If you are anything like me, you will let friends think that some of the stuff they say is all a joke and you don't mind it - but as I said, if you are anything like me - it does affect you - so I say it from experience they are laughing with you not at you!!

This is not the reason for tonight's blog anyway - the other day - when I was blogging to ensure I did not do something stupid, I finished my blog and started chatting to your uncle. A couple of hours later (and too late for my normal beauty sleep) we finally finished. But it made me realise, you and Ray are my two loves (I'm being corny) and since chatting to you uncle (he is only 8 years older than you) I realised how much I miss Ray.

So today, feeling a bit nostalgic, I went through my old photographs and came across my favourite picture of Ray. It made me cry over him, rather that you today, but that might have been good for my soul!!!

As hindsight is such a wonderful thing, it is quite weird to think that if life had gone my way, Ray would have been your (step)father. But thinking about Ray got me worked up, luckily my flatmate was at hand (that's the one who is coming to Greece with me) so I was able to have a good old fashion cry. Another thing she said, and I totally agree with, is that when looking at my favourite picture of Ray and you profile picture, you might have been father and son. I do agree - for me, aside from fate, Ray is your father - so if you ever read this - it probably would be easier for you to say that Ray is your father, rather than Ali (that will be your choice, just let me know so I don't put my foot in it). At least with Ray you have some family history and he was not a ship in the night like Ali.

A old acquaintance of me is a good artist and if I ever should see her again I will get her to do a sketch with you both in it - I might even try to get that done anyway, it would be a lovely picture.

Meanwhile, its quite nice (don't that this the wrong way - but its is good for my health ) to think that being back in touch with the Family (Ray's family) is meant to be, together with some of my other old friends. I will not allow the cynic in me allowing me to think that the end is neigh. But with them around, you are not no my mind ever second of the day, which is good.

The funny thing is that unless I had found Sam's site last year I wouldn't even have started my blog nor would I have got back in touch with the Family or you, so thank you Sam.

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