Wednesday, 27 January 2010

I'm quite lucky, I think!!

It is nearly a year since my trip to Athens and the start of my search for you and reflecting on the year that have passed, I think I have been very lucky.

Over the past year I have trawled the internet and found a number of sites that deals with adoptions. I also have found some great friends on that road - people in similar situations to us.

From the people I have had contact with, I know that I have been extremely lucky. Within a few months, I had your details and found your profile - knowing what you look like is such as blessing. Not forgetting having the family back in my life and that they have embraced you as one of their own - even if they have never met you.

So, my journey over the past year has actually been positive - the only little niggle is not knowing if you know or not. But as I said in my previous post, I will now assume that you know and will contact me if and when you are ready.

However, I have promised myself that if I could help anyone in our situation I would.

That lead me to searching for a birth mother here in England - boy is that hard, I just hope that one day I will find her for her child. This made me think how lucky I have been to have the information I do have for you.

When the day comes for you and if you want to find me, your parents would hopefully already have given you my contact details. If not, and you need to search for me, I just hope I have made it as easy as possible for you to find me.

Aside from that I think I might have found myself a Greek tutor, because I really need to improve my Greek. I'm getting fairly good a reading both greeklish and Greek but what is the point of reading a language is you cannot speak it.

Saturday, 16 January 2010

January Blues

January is normally a bad month for me... (together with August they are my two "blue" months). I'm not depressed as such - I just tend to burst into tears easily, anything can set me off, but it's something I have learned to live with.

So to cheer myself up, I was looking through some of poems and quotes from our favourite poet and came across this little gem:

"Pain is strange. A cat killing a bird, a car accident, a fire.... Pain arrives, BANG, and there it is, it sits on you. It's real. And to anybody watching, you look foolish. Like you've suddenly become an idiot. There's no cure for it unless you know somebody who understands how you feel, and knows how to help."

It is so true - how can anyone understand what you are going through unless they have been through it too.

So, when the time comes - I hope you have someone there for you, who will understand and know how to help you.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

If they are right, it starts to make sense!!

I recently came across an adoption forum and has spent most of today chatting to a couple of people on the site. It has passed the day, as it has been a proper winter's day here - England has proper snow but too cold to do anything interesting.

But back to my chats today... one of the people pointed out that I'm wrong to assume you don't know you are adopted. They pointed out that the likelihood is that you know, and even might have been told about my letter. Taking into account you age and the fact that you are still in school, might be why there has not been contact yet. Or, that you have been told but your parents are waiting for you to finish your schooling before passing on my contact details.

However, if you know it might explain a few thing... like you adding Cousin 1 on FB, and some of your likes and links. But then again, it can all be just a coincidence.
It would be so much easier if I knew for sure - it feels right to think that you know. That feeling is hard to explain, I have had a few of "what if" you know episodes before, but the way I was explained it today makes sense.

So, now it is a waiting game - if I assume you know - I have always said contact must be your choice. I can handle you not wanting to know me, I will be hurt but will accept your decision. It is the not knowing bit that is hard...

Aside from that, I have realised that this time of year must be exciting for you, with you name day, Christmas and your birthday all so close together... when you was little you must have loved it and you was probably spoilt rotten by your parents. I just hope that one day I get a chance to see pictures of you as a little lad... I'm sure you had a little mischievous little glint in your eyes because you still have that now.

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