Sunday, 19 April 2009

Spoke to you dad last night

I just knew I'm to impatient, but I could wait any longer so I called your (adoptive) dad yesterday, (it was a bit later than I thought so if he reads this I'm sorry).

But then again if I had not called him I don't think he would even have bothered to write back to me. I got the impression that you have not been told that you are adopted, because I was told by him not to contact any of you again. The problem is that had he sent me a quick note saying that they had not told you and here's some pictures of you, I would have been happy to have let it be, until you was ready to find out about me. He did promise to write to me with some pictures of you and I just hope he will keep his promise.

This morning I was thinking maybe I should write to him as ask him to check out my blog, but then again, this is for you rather than him, so I will not give him details of this blog, if he finds it he finds it.

After he told me to get lost yesterday, I sent hours in tears and when they subsided I was furious (I still am), but I can understand his position, but in my letter I did say that I did not want to interfere in his (and your mum's) relationship with you. It has never been my intention to "take" their place. I just hope that your father one day realise that because I decided not to hold you in my arms after you was born, I was able to place you with them - had I held you there is no way I would have ever been able to go through with the adoption. Then again, it would have been nice if he could have seen himself my postion, for over 18 years I have wondered how you look like, what you are like, what your hobbies and interests are, how you are doing in school etc.

Now I am wondering, (because from you online profile you are so similar to me) if you have questioned them about your parentage - I did from an early age but I wasn't even adopted. I'm also wondering how you will react when you realised you are adopted. Will you be angry with your (adoptive) parents and/or me or will you just take it in your stride and most importantly will you want to meet me.

Now I can only wait to see if you (adoptive) father keeps his promise and send me a letter and if and when he does, I can decided what to do then.

I am still going to Athens in September and I still would love to meet you - or at least see you in the flesh, even if it is from a distance. I will try to keep the promise I made to you (adoptive) father in my letter that I would not approach you without your (adoptive) parents knowledge and permission, but if I can keep that promise will depend if he keeps his promise to me.

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