Friday, 10 April 2009

Am I being unfair?

It is two weeks since I sent my letter to your (adopted) dad and I have not heard anything back, but I think I am being slightly unfair expecting a response this fast.

I would have assumed that the letter should have taken about a week to get there but then I had 18 years to write it so I do think I should give your (adopted) parents a few weeks to digest my letter. I know I technically do not have a right to expect a response, but I hope they are nice enough to write back to me - it would be lovely if they could send me some pictures of you. But then again, I don't know even if the address I have is the correct one.

When I was expecting you I was told that you would be told from an early age that you were adopted but that might have been to put my mind at ease rather than being a promise. So I am hoping that my letter arrived safely and that you are just mulling over whether you want to contact me.

In one way, I have been lucky over the past two weeks that there have been other things going on in my life, even if some of these things remind me that I am not this though cookie I like to think other people see me as. If they do, they should know that I have a very soft center and often in turmoil. I keep saying I should put my well-being first but until I know if you want me in you life I don't think I can. That why I think I being unfair!!

What scares me is (even if I said in my letter to your (adoptive) dad that I would not contact or approach you without their permission and knowledge) that if I don't heard anything from them or you, I can't rest before I have met you face to face at least once. I will need to hear it directly from you if you do not want to have contact with me. I hope that is not unfair.

Until then I just have to try to be patient and not let other things get on top of me.

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