Saturday, 1 May 2010

I'm feeling like shit

I don't know why...but for the moment I feel like shit.. I feel like no one cares about me. I know that is not true but sometimes if I don't hear someone say they love me, I feel like shit...

Of course I know that is not true... I know I have people who loves me and cares about me... the problem is (psychoanalysing this) I cannot remember ever being told as a child I was loved - I probably was, just can't remember it.

Something in my childhood must have affected me, because if I don't hear someone tell me that I'm loved, I have a "down" day. That's also when my façade comes up - it is one my traits I hope you have not inherited. I'm so used to being "let down" that when someone tells me they love me and I don't speak to them when I want I feel like it, I feel let down. When this happens my "game" face comes on... hence the previous post about being the clown who hides behind their painted smile.

When it comes to you... I do remember that your feeling comes into it... it is just with the rest of the people in my life - I forget. I just have to remember that their feeling are as important as mine.

OK - so it's official I'm being selfish... but I'm allowed to feel shit once in a while - as long as I remember it is not all about me.

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