Monday, 31 May 2010

I don't expect my baby back!

I just finished watching the Lady Gaga episode of Glee - sad I know but loving the show... maybe the reason I'm loving the show, is that they have two adoption stories running. Quinn, who is pregnant and considering giving up her baby and Rachel, who in this episode was reunited with her birth mother, Shelby.

During the episode, Shelby explained to Mr Schuester that she wanted her baby back not a grown daughter. Shelby and Rachel have a moment together where they realise that they reunion is not what they hoped - that made me think.

I have heard and read so many reunion stories where the reunion is unsuccessful, because the birth mother expect to get their newborn child back. They haven't expected a young man/lady they met to be the little baby they placed for adoption. Personally, I believe that is the wrong expectation.

Of course, I want you in my life... it is just that I never expected a baby back. In my mind you grew up, you had your first birthday, first day at school etc. It is as a young man, I had hoped you come into my life or maybe, it is because I am "getting to know" you now, I don't expect a baby back.

There was also a point in the episode where Shelby told Rachel that she realised that she could only be her mother and never her mum. I think this is also a factor in unsuccessful reunions. Some birth mothers expect that their child would immediately see them as mum (this also goes for birth father reunions). Again, that is something I have always known...I even said it here before - biologically I am your mother - I will never be your mana. I would of course love to be a mum to you but, that is something only you can ever decide on. For me, just having you in my life only as a friend would be great.

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