Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Ooops going nuts - nearly sent this one...

I thought I better post this here rather than sending it to my son's (adoptive) mum, but then again maybe I should send it.. let me know what you think!

Hello Adoptive Mum

Please accept my sincerest apologies for writing to you like this, but I previously wrote to Adoptive Dad and I’m still awaiting any response from him. Sorry , I also apologize for assuming you understand English.

As I’m not sure if Adoptive Dad told you of my letter, so I better start again.

On xx/xx/xxxx I gave birth to xxxxxxx-xxxxxxxxxx at hospital in Athens - I’m assume you call him αγόρι μας.

For the past 18+ year I have agonised over the day αγόρι μας turned 18 and he could, if he wanted, contact me - don’t get me wrong, I have never wanted to take your place as his mana - because that is and will always be you. But when I placed him with you, I was told that you would tell him he was adopted and the adoption was done out of my love for him and no other reasons.

So for 18 years, I waited patiently for the day he turned 18 and I could start taking steps, so if αγόρι μας wanted to find me, I make it as easy as possible for him. I was sure you would had told him and had hoped that he one day wanted to meet me.

When I sent my letter to Adoptive Dad, I hoped for a quick note back saying that you had told αγόρι μας or not. I also hoped that you would have been kind enough to send me some photos of αγόρι μας - that was a big ask, but I had hoped he would have understood my wish for some photos.

Aγόρι μας has always been in my heart and not far from my thought - I could lie and say I thought about him ever second of every day, if I had, that would have hurt to much and I wouldn't have able survive if I had. He is also my only child and that makes this situation much harder for me.

I get the impression that αγόρι μας does not know he is adopted and if that is the case it is SO WRONG. Aγόρι μας has the right to know that he is adopted and he and he alone, can decide if he ever want to have any contact with me.

But I can understand why you might not have told him, and it is possible I would have done the same in your situation. One day αγόρι μας will find out and I much rather know that you told him about me, rather than he finding out by accident.

I don’t regret placing him with you - that was right for all of us at the time but as I said - I did it think you would bring up our son (because that is what he is) knowing that he was adopted.

There are two things I do regret from that time - one is never to have met you - but I think we did “met” in my hospital room after αγόρι μας's birth and the other is not holding him in my arms before placing him with you. Then again, I still think that if I had held him, I would never have let him go.

So again, I apologise for contacting you like this, but I cannot have peace before I know that αγόρι μας knows he was adopted and have my details for when, if ever, he might be ready to contact me.

I thank you for taking such good care of αγόρι μας and hope that you can see it in your heart to allow him the opportunity to make the decision of whether or not, he want contact with me.

I know this is a letter would need loads of rewriting and editing should I ever send it off but I just needed put my thoughts down. I'm even debating whether or not posting this but as you can see it now out there... as I always say - better out than in..

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