Full on month or what!

Still cannot believe how much my life has turned upside down - you are the only one who are missing to make it complete, still trying to figure out a way that can be achieved.

This month has been a bit full on. First I had Katie's 18th party, then last weekend I was up north with Little Sister and the family - and not forgetting Little Brother. Then I got to spend a day with Middle Brother and Weird Brother, and their partners - OK it was a few minutes here and there but still better than nothing.

Weird Brother is looking old - poor guy, but I think your Cousin 3 might have something to do with that together with the with the exhibition they was holding. They were doing a great job and nchalah I will be able to give them a proper hand next year. I offered to help and was roped in to doing bags for the visitors, even managed to run the information booth for a while, not sure if I was a help or hindrance.

I spent more time with Middle Brother and his wife than Weird Brother but that is normal, lol.
It was nice to see Middle Brother and his wife again I even got to speak to your little cousin again (I think that is your Cousin 8). Middle Brother and his wife thinks you look a lot like your Cousins 1 and 2 (more like Cousin 2) and Ray of course. Again, we have come to the conclusion that somewhere along there is a connection between your biological father and The Family.

Aside from spending a few minutes here and there with Weird Brother, I did get to meet his new partner. She seemed OK even if Little Sister and Brother don't really like her. I think that might be a bit more of a culture clash than anything - we got along fine (I think). Compared to the previous model (his first wife) she is easier to get along with and a wast improvement.

After the exhibition finished we all went for dinner - together with the rest of their team, we had all had a great laugh - it's odd that we haven't really changed - older and greyer but that's all.

Then your Cousin 3 has been in touch - I think she is a confused young lady, I'm not sure if she is reaching out to me but its early days yet. Nchalal, she will one day feel that she can come if she needs to. I think you could be a positive influence on her too - maybe not the same way as you currently are doing for Cousin 1. I just get the feeling that if you was around you might be able get through to her. I know she has a some problems with her mum. So she recently moved in with Weird Brother and his partner. I'm sure having someone like you to talk to would be great for her - especially as I know you are a typical 18 year old Greek boy - she would most likely listen an older cousin rather than any of us oldies in her life.

Then to cap off my week, you post a new link on FB - one of my theme songs - this one was from my time in Wapping after Ray died. That song would always bring me out of any black hole I might have been in. It was even played on Katie's birthday party. That girl is a true inspiration to anyone who meets her. Actually, I should introduce you to Katie so have a look on the clip below. Now put together the link you posted with this girl you will understand why that song would always get my out on any black hole I was in - they both still do. Although the black holes are few and far between these days.

You are missed by us all

I'm with the family again, its great to spend time with them - we are trying to catch up on years apart.

This time I'm getting to spend time with Little Sis and Little Brother alone. Little Sis and Ray was very close growing up and we both think that that's why we are getting on so well. Both her and Little Brother has introduced me to people around them as their sister and that have been so nice.

You are as always a topic of conversation. We have been looking at some of your new pictures (stolen off FB again, sorry about that) and you definitely have my eyes but we still think that you look so much like Ray. Actually, I think that in one of the pics you are a spitting image of your biological father. There are people in Iran with the same family name as us, so you never know, your biological father might be from the Iranian branch of The Family - the connection might be many generations back, but crazier things have happened.

Little Sis told me that the first time she saw your picture, she thought you was Ray's (biological) son and that I had not told them about you. For The Family, Ray is your dad and nchalah on day you might see him as that also.

Anyway, you should know that without knowing it, you are being a positive influence on Cousin 1, he is sort of looking up to you. Little Sis and I think he has copied your hair style. Also, she thinks you two look a bit the same. But for now, just being your FB friend is "helping" him out. You have the benefit of being role model without realising it - so if you ever wanted younger siblings you have a couple of ready made ones in your cousins.

I so hope that one day that you can spend sometime with him. With your other cousins to, of course. Cousin 1's younger brother (I think he will be Cousin 4 - I'm trying to keep it based on their ages) also looks forward to the day he hopefully gets to meet you.

Your cousins want to get to know you cause you are their older cooler cousin - the one they can turn to for advice, from girls to fashion. With you and Cousin 1, I think you might have to "fight" for the girls - you seem to like the same type of girls, lol.

That why you are missed, that I miss having you in my life is a giving, but for The Family they want to get to know you because they see you as one of them.

Mother - what does the word mean?

Just spent some time with my friend and her daughter and it made me think what makes a mother? My friend is a great mother. Is funny, that before we became friends, I saw the two of the bus one day, and remember thinking that, I wish I had a chance to be a mother like her one day. Funny, that a few years later we are friends and I'm sort of a step auntie to her daughter.

Yes, I am your biological mother, but does that make me your mother - only you could ever answer that question. For me, the word mother brings to my mind certain images - it is possible that my image of a mother is old fashioned, but my image of a mother, was a factor in decision to place you for adoption .

When I saw my friend with her daughter, I realised that what I wanted growing up and I wanted to be for you, was to be a mother like my friend is. A bit of the 1950 stereotype of a mother mixed in with a modern woman - so not chained to the kitchen sink but still having some of the old fashioned values.

I have been lucky in that I have had a few mothers, there was my real mother - in my eyes she was never my mum (sorry) but it was always something missing there, still haven't been able to put my finger on that one.

Then there was Mana - my Greek mum - I only knew her for about two years but she showed me what I always thought a mum should be - she held my hand when I was ill, she cried with me when my crush didn't accept me, she never said "I told you so" when I can home after your father hit me (and became my ex) - that day she only sat there and comforted me. And when I found out that expected you, she kept making sure that all my decision were mine. She would make sure I had question every decision a million times and making it was something I wanted. She even sort of helped with picking your mum and dad. So if any thing, Mana was my real mum even if she was not my biological mother.

Finally there is Uma, she has a special place in my heart because she is Ray's mum also - but she also was more motherly to me that I can remember my real mother being. Uma has taken the time to get to know me and tried at the same time to guide me. She has not patronised me in anyway and she again has accepted me with faults and all (including you - she is you γιαγιά in my eyes).

So it made me think, yes I would love to be your mother, but for me no matter how much it hurts and I love you, it has to be your decision. Also I did realised a long time ago, that giving birth to you does not give me the right to be called your mother. To be a true mum, I would need instil you with good values, picked you up when you needed it and most of all respect your decisions - good or bad. So, I do know that you might not ever want to get to know me - no matter how much I would like it to happen.

But at the same time you have you μαμά - she has been there since the day you were born, nurturing you and hopefully been everything I wanted to be for you - in the way Mana and Uma has been there for me. It is not my intention to ever try to take her place - hopefully one day you will realise that you have two mothers that truly love you and will always have your best interest at heart.

Έτσι, για τώρα, για άλλη μια φορά, σ 'αγαπώ τόσο πολύ τον γιο, αγαπώντας τη μαμά σου

Finally some good karma!

This year has been odd!! One of my friend once said I deserved some luck in my life and then suddenly it is all happening, the only thing missing is for us to be in contact. But nchalah that will happend soon.

But so far this year has been fantastic, I have The Family back - Uma even said to me the other day: "J'ai trois filles maintenant, Big Sis, Little Sis et vous" and Little Brother has decided that I'm his proper sister.

On the top of having The Family back, I have some of my old friends back. It made me think that this year has so far been a year for making connections, both old and new, which its why I think it might be the right time for us to connect. I have reconnected with some very good old friends and made some really good new ones. Funnily, you are the common link with many of my connections.

Hopefully, one day I get to introduce you to some of these folk if not all of them.