I just have just had a little read to some of my old post and have realised that should my son read it all, it must be so confusing for him...I send so many mixed messages.
So I would like to set the record straight....on here I often post what I feel in the moment...that means that I might be feeling a particular way that day...I am the one who is Dazed and Confused and I do not mean to send mixed messages to him.
So I just want to make it clear...it is two different wants in all adoptions...in my case, it is what I want for my son and what I want....and believe it when I say that my wants matters less than what I want for my son.
What I want for him is what really matters...so I want him to have the right to know he was adopted, the right to access to his biological medical history, the right to know his ancestry, the right to know that he was always wanted, I also want him to have to right to chose if he wants to know me or wants to hate me for my decision to place him for adoption.
What I want...is first and foremost to know that he is happy, health and know he was adopted.
Then is all the other stuff, of course I want to have a relationship with him, I want him in my life. So looking back on on my posts...sometimes is more about what I want for me not for him. So sorry son, just in case ever read this...just let me know that you happy and that you know...the rest will be up to you...I will always be here for you.
