If I was the person I am today, I would have listen to Nikos, but I was not the person I am today, my back then shaped us both and neither of us would be HOW WE ARE TODAY. When you was born, I though placing you for adoption was the best for you and it would give you the best start in life. Because I loved you so much, I did what I believed in my heart was the right thing for you.
The "funny" thing I feel under more pressure now... I feel pressured into contacting you... it is not that I do not want to (that is the the only thing on my mind for the moment) but I trying to be sensible. I'm even feel pressured into have certain feelings at the moment.
I have to consider a few realities first.
- You might not even know you are adopted... so if you do not know, I have to consider how you would react to being told your life has been a lie.
- You are coming up to a exam period and you still have a year left at school... I don't want to disrupt your schooling in anyway, so if I have to wait a year before contacting you so be it.
- I have to respect the fact that you might know about me and do not want to get to know me.
- and about six million scenarios , emotions etc you might feel
So to my fellow birth mothers, and my so-called friends, I'm considering my son's emotions before my own, so if that makes be a bad birth mother so be it.. the only person feelings that matters for me is his.... and I have accepted the fact that I might never have a reunion, it might be a bad reunion. SO I'M NOT RUSHING INTO MAKING CONTACT WITH YOU BEFORE THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR US. The main person I considering in all of this is you...Ib'ni