Monday, 8 March 2010

Anger in Adoption

I have been reading some posting in on of the adoption forums I'm following - I just hope that when the day comes and we have contact - that you will not feel the anger and hurt I read in these forums.

There is one particular person's posting which has my blood running cold...I don't know what the person background is but he is up in arms about what he calls as forced adoptions and social services and their role in adoptions.

For me, you were placed with your (adoptive) parents because I loved you and wanted the best for you. Maybe because I did place you for adoption - I sort see both sides of the coin.

There are reasons for both types of adoption - in voluntary adoption (probably not the right phrase) the birth mother (and father) decided that it is the best option for their child and is a true gift of love. It might not always be the right thing to do in the long run, but in most cases the birth family's intentions pure. I do know there are some birth families out there who would have "sold" their child but I believe these cases are few and far between. There might have been extenuating circumstances behind this - look what happened in Haiti after the earthquake for example.

However, with forced adoption where the social services have been involved I do think that in most cases social services where right in removing the child. As you will often hear here in England, you need a licence to keep a dog but not to have a child - unfortunately not everyone is meant to be a parent. Biology don't make you a real mother or father, it is the love and nurture you show your child which does.

One of the reason this forum poster upset me, is that every time I put on the news, there seems to be a new case where children as young as 10 have been involved in high profile cases - and not as the victims but as the offender.

Last year when I was in Greece - the big news in Greece was a 12 year old British boy becoming a father (it turned out he was not), then you had recently two young brothers who nearly killed two other young boys. Then you have the infamous James Bulger case - nearly 17 years ago he was abducted and killed by two 10 year old boys (the case is back in the news now because one of the kids has allegedly re-offended). For me I know enough about psychology to know that those kids aren't born as Devil incarnate - they might have been predisposed to violence, but they will have learnt their behaviour from their surroundings.

I understand that in most of these cases the children were left with their biological families and it makes wonder if social services had removed these kids and placed them with an adoptive family would they have offended?

Of course, there are cases where children has been taken "out to the frying pan and put into the fire" - in those cases I can understand the anger. It is not for me to second guess these things but it upsets me when people just assume that any type of adoption is bad and rant about the negatives for adoption. There are so many "good" adoptions out there - both voluntary and forced compared to the "bad" ones.

Yes, I understand that as an adopted child, you might feel anger towards me for placing you adoption or you might be angry with your (adoptive) parents for not telling you (if they haven't yet). Just know that we all love you and always want the best for you.

Θα αγαπώ πάντα το γιο μου και μόνο ελπίδα ότι μια μέρα μπορώ να σας πω ότι στο πρόσωπο, φορτίο της αγάπης xx μαμά σας

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