Wednesday, 12 October 2011

I'm a bad "beemum" thinks!

After my last post I have had a serious thought about my "fit" in the adoption world.  So for my own peace of mind, I need to put this out there.

What I write on here is my personal feelings and opinions.  I am alone responsible for what I say.. but I cannot be responsible for how others interprets my feelings. What I feel is may not always not "marry" up to what everyone think I should feel or say.   The main thing is that this is my little personal outlet for my feelings and yes.. I put it out here because I had years of no-one "getting" me, so if this little insight to my feelings have someone saying to themselves "I feel like that sometimes" or even.. "I don't agree with what she is saying but I "get" it"...good.  

Still when I read other blogs, I sometimes are back there wondering if I'm the only one who feels like this or this.  Then again, I know that my adoption story is unique and although someone might have similar experiences, their story will be different.  So, for me reading others blogs.. whatever their opinion is... is valuable.. it gives me a little piece of the jigsaw puzzle that is my life.  It still makes me wonder if I'm a bad "beemum".

These are the reasons I might be classed as a bad "beemom":
  1. I don't think my son was stolen from me nor was I forced or was I coerced into placing him.  I was feed a little lie here and there but in the end of the day, it was my choice.  OK, at 21 I might not have been mature enough to fully comprehend the effect placing him would have on me (or him), but I never thought that placing my son for adoption was "bad".  

    At the time, it was what I thought was the right decision for the both of us and I have learnt to live with that. It has made me into me... to say that I regret making that choice, is to say that I do not wish my son to have the life he has...not have the people he loves and cares about in his life... and that is not fair on him nor would it be fair on the people in my life.  It was a decision that has affected a lot of people... hopefully for good rather than bad.
  2. As a pro-choice kind of gal, I think infant adoption is a good option, actually I think it is the woman's choice if she wants to keep her child, place the child for adoption or abort the child.   Of course, it is always best if the mother can keep the child but unfortunately, this is not always the case...but as long as it is a fully informed choice (whatever it might be), it should be respected... It is she who has to live with the choice for the rest of her life.  Telling her that she is a bad person for a choice she made in a particular situation is just wrong.

    If a young girl, finding herself pregnant came to me for advice, I would suggest adoption as one of the option she would have.  I would not say that it was the only choice and I would definitely not say it is the best choice... but an option.  Personally, I could not abort a child and I would explain that to anyone coming to me for advice.

    I now know that the adoptee will not have a choice in this but I have said it here before, it is a choice made on the basis that the bparents and the aparents thinks is the best of the adoptee.. For me, it is wrong to keep a child when you are not financially and emotionally unable to take care of the child.... at the end of the day, it is only the child who can one day say that this was the wrong choice.
  3. I don't see myself as my son's mum...his amum is his real mum, biologically (and in my heart) he is my son, still I can only ever be his mother... for me, mum is the person who raised the him.  I would consider myself lucky if one day he would allow me to be his friend.  Of course, I would love for him to allow me to be his "other" mum but any relationship with him at all would be a blessing.
I'm sorry if this makes me a bad "beemum" but it is just the way I feel and I cannot help it... as they say I made my bed and I now have to lay in it.  So, if I can accept this why cannot others?

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