Thursday, 26 December 2013

My new tradition

Christmas is always hard for us birth-mothers....for for gifts is a nightmare...I am in a shop and I see something and I think "would my son love this" or is "this something he needs".

Spending time with family is also a look around the table and and think "my son should be here, he should pull a crackers with his cousin", there is a topic around the table and you think.."what would his opinion be?" 

This, year...I could not handle spending time with my family..I could not sitting around the table and missing a very important heartbeat...this year I just wanted to reflect on what could have been..  Then it hit Christmas table needs another setting...for now it will be empty but it still needs to be son's setting at my Christmas table. 

So from now, unless the table I sit down at for Christmas has a seat for my son (with him in person or spirit) I cannot in good concious not able to join the festivities...I will no longer put on my mask of happiness and pretend that I'm happy with missing a big part of my life.  I much rather see that empty seat knowing that my family also miss my son...rather than sitting down pretending to be happy and miss something so important from my life.

For from now will always be another setting at my Christmas table...until the day my son feels he can join my celebration...don't get me wrong, Christmas will still be is just that another setting will be at the son will no longer be excluded from my Christmas Celebrations

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