Athens Runners

I have noticed lately that a number of "runners" from back in the days stumbles onto my blog...it it would be so nice if they would take the chance and contact me... it might not have know them but I would point them in the direction of some of their old friends (if I know them).

For me personally, there are a few I would like reconnect with...actually anyone who stumble upon this blog who lived/spent time in Athens in 1989/1991 I would love to hear from you.

Some folks are of course remembered more than others... but still it would be nice if you got in contact...

It's nearly 19 years since I made THAT decision!!!

It's quite strange to think that about 19 years ago, I sat at the reception desk at Joy's - having realised I was expecting you and wondered what I should do next.

I remember having long "conversations" with you - I would like to think that in a strange way you helped me making my decision. I would ask you a question and you would do something pleasant if you "liked" my idea or deliver a extremely painful kick if you didn't. OK, fair enough, looking back, it is a bit far fetch to think that you could agree or disagree with me - but at the time it felt right and you seemed to "agree" with me that placing you for adoption was the right thing to do.

I was quite lucky in that I had a great pregnancy - I had no morning sickness and only felt like a whale in the last couple of weeks. My strangest craving was Ready Salted crisps and chocolate - together in a "sandwich".

We also had some fun - my 21st birthday party was great and I do think you enjoyed yourself (I was about 5 1/2 months gone by then). I remember you "dancing" along to the music at the club we had gone to. Some of the stuff you are listening to now, is stuff I would listen to when I was expecting you. Some people think there is a link there and I starting to agree - before I "found" you on FB, I had always thought that it was nurture rather than nature that shapes you but now I am not so sure.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started to panic and I was worried I would not be able to go trough with placing you with your (adoptive) parents. So, I was pleased to be told that I had to have a Cesarean Section - you had the umbilical cord around you neck and you had decided you were going to be a breach birth. So, I jumped at the chance of a general anesthetic and the C-section, I just knew that that was the only way I could let you go.

However, I had to sign you out to the hospital and when Wilma brought you out in you little car seat I caught a glimpse of you - I had to get her to take you away as quickly as possible - so for over 18 years my memory of you have been your little chin (it hasn't changed) in the white car seat with red and blue decoration on it.

You should know that I didn't name you throughout my pregnancy, I just kept calling you son. I was toying with a few names for you, your name included - I wanted you to have a Greek name, but I didn't really want to after anyone I was close to - so eventually I decided to name you Kostas - which you were for me until February this year. That is when I realised that you had been given one of my favorite Greek boy's names.

I still haven't given up the hope that your (adoptive) parents will tell you soon. I know you are home this weekend and you have not been on you FB since Friday - which is not like you - so might be good news for me - I can but hope.

The reason why??

After posting of my letter I suddenly realised I have not explained why I decided to place my son for adoption.

It was not a decision which was easily reached. And I spent months agonising whether I was doing the right thing, even after the wheels were put in motion and my son's (adoptive) parents were found. (You might wonder why I keep putting adoptive in brackets, this is so readers of this blog will understand that to me my son's adoptive parents are his real parents - he was raised by them.)

There are a few reasons why I decided to have him adopted, but the main reason was that I did not have anything to offer him. I was working in a backpacker hostel in Athens - although I knew I would have a place to live and a job - it was not realistic to raise a child by myself in those circumstances.

Another reason was that I wanted him to have both a mother and father who were in a stable relationship and were ready to provide for him, both emotionally and financially, rather than me who was not - I was not ready to become a mother and the one thing I had learnt from my so-called family in Norway: you cannot raise a child on love alone, they tried in they own strange way!!!

But I hear you shout, you could have gone back to Norway or had an abortion. Yes I could have, but there were NO WAY I would have brought up my son around certain members of my family. I didn't have the worst childhood in the world, but it was not "normal" whatever that is. Don't get me wrong, it had a part in shaping me into the person I am today, and I am happy with myself, but I have no interest in having contact with any of them. For me, Mana was my mother and Joy's Hotel my home and as for an abortion, that's fine for others but as I loved my son since I realised I was pregnant, there was no way I could have killed (aborted) him.

I decided that, rather than not being able to provide my son with a life, where I was fully capable to take care of him and for him not having father - I was worried that I would have fallen into the trap, where he would have grown up with different "uncles" who would be there one minute and disappear from his life the next.

Another factor in my decision was also that, I was lucky in finding a family, who I was told wanted him no matter what.

I do not regret what I did and if I was able to go back I would have done it all over again, with a few minor changes. These are things which I would not blog about as they are personal to my son, his parents and me.

Now I just have to wait and see what will happen with my letter, I hope that I will get a chance to meet my son and his parents soon but have to prepare myself for not hearing anything back from them.

But I hope his parents will at least send me some photos of him.

My dream 40th party

This year as I am turning 40th I have decided to start planning my birthday already, not much to plan anyway. My flatmate Sue and I are thinking of going to Athens, as I am already planning to going back at least once more this year.

As there is only one thing I really want for my birthday - and that would be to meet my son and for him to wanting to have some sort of relationship with me, I do not intend to do anything major.

However, it got me thinking who from my Athens days would I like the chance to meet again. As there are so many but I thought I make a "wish list" of who I would like to catch up with from back in the days. Some of the people on this list I saw as my family but for all I know I was just a ship in the night for them.

1) Mana - the main person from my days in Greece I would love to meet again, she was my Greek "mother" and I cannot think of any person who ever met her would would not remember her with found memories - she must be in her eighties if she is still around now.

2) Takis - one of my two Greek "brothers" and one of my bosses, but we did have some fun together discussing PFO's and he did get me hooked on Super Bikes for a while.

3) Nikos - my other "brother" and my personal Nicky Rourke - he was obsessed with Mickey Rourke (pre-surgery days).

4) Lino - one of my best friends ever, listing to Pink Floyd always reminds me of our sessions on the roof of Diethnes Hotel. In February when I was in Athens I got a chance to check out this old haunt but now when Christos has turned the roof into a bar it was not the same (but then it was the daytime).

5) Scoogie & Lisa - the rest of the foursome who often ended up on the roof listening to Pink Floyd, we would be laying there gazing at the Athens stars or be downstairs booging to Lino set at Jakie O.

6) George & Bindy - my two Australian blood sisters who introduced me to TISM. The funny thing about these two, is that we became friends because I caught George in bed with my so-called boyfriend. So after a quick introduction to Takis and Nikos they moved out of Zorba's Hostel and in to Joy's and our winter 1990 was born. We had converted the bar into a lounge with a massive "bed" in front of the TV where we would either chill out watching movies or eating pizza's. (I think the pizza place was still there in February).

7) Wilma, Manolis and little Elisabet - my other bosses and the rest of my "family". It was Manolis and Wilma who upon realising I was pregnant helped me in finding a decent doctor and ensuring that when I decided to give my son up for adoption everything was above board and he went to a decent family. I wonder if Wilma got her way and the family moved to South Africa and if they have had more kids.

8) Andreas, Kostas, Spiros - criky I have forgotten how much fun I had in Athens during the winter of 1990. Picnics, kit flying being taken out for family trips by Manolis, Wilma, Takis, Mana and their friends.

9) Anderas, Jonas, Sam, Said, Matthew, Crazy Patrick, Viking, Stephen, Thomas, Claus and so many more of the runners and hostel staff from back in the days, it is impossible to remember all - also just realised most of my friends back then was blokes!!! I have always been a bit of a tomboy.

Why did one of us not have the foresight to say: "I have an idea, lets all meet at Oinio Station at this date twenty years from now". Can you imaging how much fun that would have been? It would have been fun to see what have become of us all, had any of the hippies become straight laces and any of the straight laces become hippies??

Now that might have been a fun party, also as a lot of us are turning 40 this year it would have been great - hindsight is a wonderful thing - but in relity the chances of me meeting up with any of the folks from back in the days are slim. But the two runners who are around will be invite to join Sue and me in Athens.

Back in Athens after 18 years

After spending years wanting to go back to Athens, I final bit the bullet and booked my trip.

Arrived this morning to the my "hometown" and its new airport to discover that the metro from the airport to Central Athens was closed for refurbishment. Having met some Kiwi's no the airport at least have some company on my way to Larrisa Station (you from back in the days will recall our fun there).

However, our train takes us to Ago Lision, which I cannot remember at all, when we finally arrive at Larissa Station or as it is now called Athina get out and do not recognized a thing.

Finally, I find myself on Lission and start walking toward Platiea Vathias where I'm staying. Soon, spot Mikael Vola Street and finally have know where I am.

After checking into my hotel Aristotles, not to bad for being a 2-star, I wander Arharnon Street toward my old "home" at Ferron Street, and find to my shock and horror that Joy's Hotel is still there but is now an apartment block.

Then decide to wander up to where Iokastis used to be, that appears to have been converted to a bank.

At least there is still a patisserie at Platiea Viktoria and a sandwich shop by the underground station. I end up, after craving solovakies for years, in a place which promises me that they have done slovakies since 1969, thinking it must be proper slolvakies. But no, no pita bread, no tzatiski but they tasted good and the place served Amstel Beer.

Decide to check out Hotel Zorba's and find despite google, that they are apparently no longer a backpacker hostel, if they are my current hotel is more backpacker friendly.

Even, Athens Connection which thanks to Claus I know is no longer a hostel has changed beyond recognition.

On a plus note my hotel serves Amstel beer (cans at 2 euro's a pop) and a local shop does the 500ml glass bottles at 88 cents.

Tomorrow, is another day, I am checking out Monestraki and will check out Aphrodite and Diethnes hopefully they are more recognizable. Hopefully, I can also upload some photo's which I cannot do from my hotel.

The reason for the blog!!

20 years ago I was a lost soul from Norway whom one day decided to get an inter rail ticket and make my way back to Greece where I had spend an enjoyable week the year before.

After sitting on the train from Munich for what seemed years (in fact only about 48 hours) and wondering where the heck I should stay in Athens when I arrive, I was accosted by about 15 "runners" when my train passed the aptly named station Onioi just outside Athens. They all was telling my about their fantastic hostels in Athens and in my haste I decided to place all the pamphlets in my bag and stay at the one which came out first.

I ended up with a place called Diethens Hotel, which at the time was a total dive. I did remember the two guys from the another hostel Joy's and decided the next day to check in there.

After a week I ventured out to Crete to the job I had been promised, which turned out to be hot air. I returned to Athens and to Joy's begging them for a job, at the time they did not have any jobs and got me a job around the corner at Iokastis Guest House. After a few week the folks at Joy's realized where my heart was and welcomed me "home" to the place which was for 18 months my true home and my "real" family: Mana, Manolis, Takis, Wilma and Nicos, and not for getting our merry band of staff from Sweden, England, Australia and other far flung places.

Being the lost soul which I was, I was finally accepted for being me and nothing else, I was not longer the geek with glasses, whom spoke differently and finally felt safe, I felt comfortable around people and did not feel that I had to watch my "back" as I was used to in Norway.

Throughout my 18 months in Greece I was finally home!!! These 18 months were what really defined me and the person I am today. I do not regret any of the things I did back then!

Now 20 years later I am back in Greece for a totally different reason, before I left Greece I gave birth to a boy (who is now 18) but due to my circumstances back in Norway I felt deserved parents like my Greek Mana, so I gave him up for adoption in Greece. I have now found details of my boy, and this is the reason I decided to start this blog.

I have decided that I will allow him to decide if he wants to find me, rather than me turning up in his life saying I am his mum. Comparing my real mum and Mana, I know that I would preferred that Mana was my real mum rather than my so called Norwegian mother, so why should I inflict that choice on a 18 year old boy who might not even know he was adopted. But this blog is dedicated to him, and should we never meet I hope he realizes the what I did was out of love for him and no other reason.